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Conan O’Brien: “7 ‘Important’ Things You Must Know About The iPhone 5.”

Conan O’Brien: “7 ‘Important’ Things You Must Know About The iPhone 5.”

The hullabaloo around the iPhone 5 launch has opened a number of comedic opportunities to late night television. Conan O’Brien had some fun making light of the excitement about the launch.

MacRumors:

TeamCoco — the website behind Conan O’Brien’s late night show — has posted an article poking fun at the iPhone hysteria by detailing “Everything You Need To Know About The New iPhone 5“.

Excerpts from the list include:

  • The new iPhone is 18% thinner and 20% lighter than the 4S, making it the first smartphone with specs one can measure in Triscuits.
  • Apes that touch the glowing new mini-monolith are suddenly able to turn basic tools into weapons. (Let the record show, I have warned everyone about similar possibilities in the past…)
  • The iPhone 5’s 8MP camera is slimmer than before, and can make that can of Beefaroni look like Mario Batali is your personal chef.
  • Price: $199 for 16GB, $299 for 32GB, $399 for 64GB with two year contract signed in bone marrow.
  • The new iPhone 5 magically induces people with the iPhone 4S to bite the insides of their cheeks until they tasted blood.
  • Siri has been upgraded; the “intelligent personal assistant” will tell you sports scores, and automatically place bets with your bookie.
  • The iPhone 5 will sprout spider legs and use digestive acids to liquify any Samsung Galaxy 3’s in the vicinity.

Check out the entire list over at the Team CoCo website!

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