Conan O’Brien: “7 ‘Important’ Things You Must Know About The iPhone 5.”

The hullabaloo around the iPhone 5 launch has opened a number of comedic opportunities to late night television. Conan O’Brien had some fun making light of the excitement about the launch.

MacRumors:

TeamCoco — the website behind Conan O’Brien’s late night show — has posted an article poking fun at the iPhone hysteria by detailing “Everything You Need To Know About The New iPhone 5“.

Excerpts from the list include:

  • The new iPhone is 18% thinner and 20% lighter than the 4S, making it the first smartphone with specs one can measure in Triscuits.
  • Apes that touch the glowing new mini-monolith are suddenly able to turn basic tools into weapons. (Let the record show, I have warned everyone about similar possibilities in the past…)
  • The iPhone 5’s 8MP camera is slimmer than before, and can make that can of Beefaroni look like Mario Batali is your personal chef.
  • Price: $199 for 16GB, $299 for 32GB, $399 for 64GB with two year contract signed in bone marrow.
  • The new iPhone 5 magically induces people with the iPhone 4S to bite the insides of their cheeks until they tasted blood.
  • Siri has been upgraded; the “intelligent personal assistant” will tell you sports scores, and automatically place bets with your bookie.
  • The iPhone 5 will sprout spider legs and use digestive acids to liquify any Samsung Galaxy 3’s in the vicinity.

Check out the entire list over at the Team CoCo website!

Chris Hauk

Chris is a Senior Editor at Mactrast. He lives somewhere in the deep Southern part of America, and yes, he has to pump in both sunshine and the Internet.